The seven ages of sexual attractiveness


Neologophilia is a terrible disease that can wreak havoc on its victims, especially those who become trapped inside neologisms emanating from the warped minds of mad scientists.

It all started over a century ago with Richard Fridolin Joseph Freiherr Krafft von Festenberg auf Frohnberg, genannt von Ebing, a man apparently destined by an odd quirk of nominative determinism to become obsessed with strange names. For it was Krafft-Ebing, as he is usually known, who gave us the term “paedophilia erotica” and a whole lot of other new words for sexual “perversions”, now known as “paraphilias”. In more recent times the palm for linguistic inventiveness in the sexual field passed first to John Money and then to Ray Blanchard, who is still with us.

Money, for instance, dreamed up “formicophilia”, which translates roughly as “insect-love”. The insanity of thinking the world needs such a word might seem self-evident. On the other hand, a glance at the symptoms suggests otherwise, as does the case of a 10-year-old boy who was diagnosed as a formicophile. Beaten by his father for a sexual relationship with another boy, he focused instead on getting sexual satisfaction from having ants crawl over him. By adulthood he had graduated to getting his jollies from cockroaches crawling on his thighs and testicles, and snails on his nipples and penis.

So maybe we should not be too hard on the neologophiles, including Blanchard, who came up with the terms hebephilia and teleiophilia for sexual age-orientations. It’s not the terms themselves that count, necessarily, so much as what is done with them. Blanchard, for instance, is a highly-rated researcher whose experimental work distinguishing hebephilia from paedophilia is of considerable theoretical importance. Unfortunately, he massively blotted his copy book by trying to have hebephilia classified as a mental illness, which would make it easier for sex offenders to be kept locked up indefinitely under civil commitment laws until they are “cured”.

There is no such black mark against the name of the newest big-time word coiner on the block, Michael Seto. I know Dr Seto from the Sexnet forum. He absolutely does not agree with my radical views but he once very nobly expressed his appreciation of my “informative and thoughtful posts” after some of his professional colleagues had been grumbling about the presence on the invitation-only forum of a few non-academic activists like me.

Seto’s textbook Pedophilia and Sexual Offending Against Children: Theory, Assessment, and Intervention, published by the American Psychological Association, was by far the most authoritative guide to the research literature when it appeared in 2008. Now he has come up with an exciting new paper, “The Puzzle of Male Chronophilias”, thereby introducing us to another term of Money’s, chronophilia, an umbrella expression covering the various forms of sexual attraction to those within a particular age range, or stage of physical development.

What is exciting about it? Well, Seto unveiled the brand new term “mesophilia”. It hasn’t set the world ablaze but it did float journalist Jesse Singal’s boat. He wrote an article, “Being Into Middle-Aged People Is Probably a Sexual Orientation”, which neatly sums up both the meaning and the (as yet) rather shaky level of support for the idea. Seto merely wrote that “The existence and relative prevalence of mesophilia is hinted at by the relative popularity of the MILF (for ‘‘Moms I’d Like to Fuck’’) genre in pornography”, adding that DILF (with the expected meaning) is out there too.

Even BoyChat, straying from their usual focus, featured a lengthy thread on the topic after poster “Filip” (who must surely be the same Filip who has posted very informatively here) introduced it. As someone who makes the effort to do his own research, Filip commented acidly “It is interesting to see that sexual age preferences are born by writing an article and not by doing research…” But that didn’t stop him from seizing on an interesting thought: How many boys and girls are “mesophilic”?

But mesophilia is just an attention grabber. The really interesting aspect of Seto’s paper is its review of age attraction across the board, including how it is conceived, and the relative prevalence of attraction to the different ages/stages of life.

Shakespeare gave us the Seven Ages of Man. Seto nominates seven ages to which anyone might be sexually attracted, and names the desire: nepiophilia (infants/toddlers), paedophilia (prepubescent children), hebephilia (pubescent children), ephebophilia (postpubescent, sexually maturing adolescents), teleiophilia (young sexually mature adults, typically 20s and 30s), mesophilia (middle-aged adults, typically 40s and50s), and gerontophilia (elderly adults, typically 60s and older). See Table 1, which I have adapted from Seto’s own Table 1.


He is at pains to emphasise, though, that these labels are not meant to pigeon-hole us into neatly separate categories. Rather, we each have our own individual, idiosyncratic, pattern of sexual attraction: we might be hot for women and boys but indifferent to men and girls; or crazy for the smooth, hairless genitals of little boys and girls alike but distinctly turned off by the hirsute turn that comes to both sexes with puberty. A friend jokingly tells me he is bisexual, the two “sexes” being boys and men! He is in effect saying females of any age are so sexually uninteresting to him they might as well be a different species.

Seto speaks of us each occupying “blobs” in a multi-dimensional sexual space, a territorial concept which to my mind has much in common with Money’s “lovemaps”. Seto’s dimensions include not just the most obvious ones, the gender and age to which we are attracted, but also some far more exotic axes, such as human/animal, alive/not alive and forced/consensual. But age is both interesting and puzzling, so I’ll stick with it.

Starting with nepiophilia, Seto admits that not much is known about sexual attraction to infants or toddlers, but data held by the FBI indicate that few cases of active sexual involvement with such young children come to the attention of the authorities. Also, this sexual interest is rare as judged by child pornography content. Quayle and Jones (2011), we are told, found that only 1–2% of the more than 24,000 child pornography images in their analysis of a large police database depicted babies or toddlers. As for Seto’s own research, “Only 1% of our sample of 286 child pornography offenders had images of such young children compared to a third with images of prepubescent children and 20% with images of pubescent children (Seto &Eke, 2015).” We frequently encounter lurid claims in the media of “baby rape” images being discovered when a child porn ring is busted. Based on Seto’s figures, though, the strong suspicion must be that such claims often amount to no more than black propaganda.

The prevalences of paedophilia (with nepiophilia usually included by default) and hebephilia have been studied much more but the figures are hotly contested. I will return to these major categories of minor attraction, but a word first about ephebophilia, which, like nepiophilia, has been remarkably little researched. The first question to ask about this is why not? After all, while many women are known to find older men attractive (especially wealthy, high-status guys), men are notorious for trading in their wives and long-time lady friends for much younger females: the images that work best for advertisers when trying to grab men’s attention tend to be of young models, no older than early twenties and down to mid-teens. And as Filip pointed out in a comment here recently, studies have shown that the highest risk of sexual assault for females is when they are in their mid-to-late teens, which looks a reasonable indicator of maximum sexual attraction. Seto cites research putting the highest risk at 14-15, though these figures must include consensual “statutory” encounters, thereby artificially inflating the “assault” rate against minors. Either way, it is entirely possible that ephebophilia is even more common than teleiophilia, at least among males.

Or is it? Somewhat belatedly, I realise that I have been carrying at the back of my mind the traditional idea of the ephebe, which is of course the inspiration for the modern term ephebophilia. The Oxford Dictionary tells us an ephebe was “(In ancient Greece) a young man of 18-20 years undergoing military training”. Forget the male-only bit, and the military training. Just look at the age: 18-20. As we have seen, though, Seto defines ephebephilia as attraction to those aged approximately 15-17.

His rationale for this, reasonably enough, is that what distinguishes different age-attraction categories is not so much age itself as the size, shape and other physical characteristics that are typical of any particular age group, including visible primary and secondary sexual characteristics such as the appearance of  the genitals, size of breasts or testes, and development of pubic hair. Using the Tanner stages of physical development, Seto defines ephebophilia on the basis that it corresponds to Tanner Stage 4, whereas teleiophilia is Tanner Stage 5. You can check these stages for yourself, from the link. Personally, I would say there is not a great deal of difference between stages 4 and 5. The young people in both of these stages are clearly well past puberty, with extensive genital development, and female “ephebes” are quite full breasted. So it seems artificial to limit ephebophilia in the way proposed. It would make more sense to designate Tanner Stages 4 and 5 as the target of ephebophilia.

What we need, perhaps, is a different scale. Let’s call it the TOC Scale. Babies and toddlers are clearly a very different shape to older children, being typically much chubbier, with shorter limbs and relatively larger heads. So there should be TOC Stage 1 (nepiophilia). Then we would have prepubescent children as TOC 2 (paedophilia); pubescent as TOC 3 (hebephilia); sexually mature (nubile, typically ages 15-25) as TOC 4 (ephebophilia); then straight to dad bod and mum bod as TOC 5 (mesophilia); finally, elderly as TOC 6 (gerontophilia).

Filip might want to start TOC 4 a year earlier, after spotting a very important problem with Seto’s age scheme. He wrote that “Girls in Tanner stage 4 are 14.0 to 15.2 years according to one German study. According to that study 99% of the girls have reached the Tanner stage 4 with 16.8 years. So nearly no 17-year-olds are in Tanner stage 4. Most of the ‘typical men’ would probably prefer a 16- or a 17-year-old over a 30-year-old.”

In addition to being more realistic, the TOC Scale would stop obscuring the obvious truth that men, especially, are mainly attracted to youth. Not to prepubescent children though: we minor-attracted types should not exaggerate the prevalence of Kindness out of desperation to make ourselves feel normal or to claim that our tastes are not that different to the mainstream. I say this in the full knowledge that a lot of research (reviewed extensively in comments here and in papers by Filip Schuster and Philip Tromovitch: see below) show that around a quarter of all men, or even more, have a significant level of sexual attraction towards children. But this should not be allowed to obscure the fact that many among this 25% or so feel a more powerful degree of attraction to their preferred age/stage of attraction, which tends to be young but physically mature. [TOC adds, 11 Sept: Actually, I stand corrected. Filip has pointed out in a comment below that research has shown a quarter of men taking part as control group participants in lab studies show at least as much sexual arousal to depictions of children as to adults. TOC further adds 12 Sept: However, Filip now gives further information. If he is right, my original intuition may have been reasonably accurate after all. See below.]

Neither should researchers downplay the rarity of such desires in order to pathologise and Other us. With this in mind, I asked the researchers on Sexnet last year what would have happened if Blanchard had included a set of ephebophilic stimuli in a major paper of his on sexual attraction. Ray Blanchard replied in person.

“Just for the record, he said, “the phallometric stimuli were assembled by Kurt Freund long before I met him – long, in fact, before I ever thought of studying sexual behavior. My guess is that Freund did not include mid- or late-adolescent photographic models because his immediate agenda was clinical diagnosis. If my assumption is correct, he deliberately built this discontinuity into the stimulus set, in order to make the differentiation between teleiophiles vs. pedo- or hebephiles simpler… I suppose I could, in principle, have made the effort to add later adolescent models and middle-aged or elderly models to the stimulus set, and that might have strengthened my theoretical studies of erotic gender-age preferences. To a large extent, however, I used the modus operandi that Freund had taught me: Piggyback your research onto your clinical operation.”

This strikes me as an honest answer, and one that gives a real insight into how research projects, even those by such a careful and highly regarded scientist as Blanchard, tend to be cobbled together in ways that potentially allow convenience to trump accuracy. In this case, allowing their work to be influenced by clinical considerations has meant that both Freund and his protégé Blanchard have focused on issues predefined by society as problematic rather than on truly objective research. Their work has been led by the perceived need to fix the presumptively sick minds of their clinical patients, or at least to stop paedophiles and hebephiles from “offending”. The effect has been to emphasise the pre-declared abnormality of these often involuntary patients and simultaneously to misrepresent what constitutes normal male attraction: the very common male preference for youth, including freshly nubile teenagers, has been wiped out of consciousness by the simple act of not researching it.


Figure 1 shows Seto’s view of the relative frequency of his “chronophilias”. The TOC Scale would define ephebophilia in a way that would put it at the top of the curve, reflecting men’s overwhelmingly common attraction to youth. Allen Frances, best known for producing DSM-IV, wrote that “Evolution has programmed humans to lust for pubescent youngsters – our ancestors did not get to live long enough to have the luxury of delaying reproduction.”And as Filip noted here, the age of puberty is steadily getting lower, so the age to which adult males are attracted may also be falling.

On the other hand preferential paedophilia is probably rare. Some years ago Seto’s estimate was that up to 5% of the adult male population could be exclusive or preferential paedophiles. Now he tells us his best guess is that it is probably only 1%. He says his new, lower, figure is based on recent large Finnish and German surveys (Santtila et al., 2015).

I read the Santtila et al. study when it appeared last year. It is a complicated paper that I found difficult to interpret, so I asked about it on Sexnet. Mike Bailey, one of the top guys in the world on statistics in this field (he stoutly supported the controversial meta-analysis by Rind et al. 1998, showing that “CSA” causes little if any long-term harm even based on figures including coerced contacts) did not dispute Seto’s estimate but conceded that despite a large database, the Santtila et al. data “aren’t very good. … The truth is, it’s very hard to get good data on this.”

As for hebephilia, Seto reckons the figure is only “slightly higher” than the 1% for paedophilia. My guess – in the end we are all guessing – is that 1-3% seems about right for paedophilia but it looks crazy to claim hebephilia is not considerably higher bearing in mind Blanchard’s work, which shows that typically there is a smoothly curving gradient in the strength of sexual interest people feel between adjacent age categories. Thus those whose strongest sexual preference is ephebophilia have a lower, but still quite strong, attraction to those in the next age two groups, one a bit older, the other a bit younger. In this case the immediately younger category would be pubescent i.e. the hebephilia group. If there are thus a large number of people whose second preference is pubescents, it would seem odd to claim only a vanishingly small number whose strongest preference is for this physical stage of development. Phallometric testing of control samples of men also support the claim that preferential hebephilia is quite prevalent. See “Tromovitch sets a poser on prevalence” here at Heretic TOC and also “Every fifth boy and man is pedophilic or hebephilic” (Schuster, 2014). Schuster comes up with prevalence rates of 3% for paedophilia and 16% for hebephilia. These figures, carefully derived and explained, look more realistic to me than Seto’s, for which he does not set out a clear rationale.

Sorry to get bogged down in figures and technicalities and for the taxing length of this blog. I had hoped to go further as well, to a discussion of sexual orientation in its relation to identity politics. But that must wait until another time.

Will Virtuous Pedophiles do any good?


Will the Virtuous Pedophiles become a force? And, if so, will they do any good? One commentator here took a positive view: “imyarainbowstar”, suggested that heretics should “get behind groups like virped and B4Uact for getting the pedo message out”, as a small step on the way to more radical change.

But doesn’t the value of any such support depend on what the particular “pedo message” is? Such a strategy perhaps makes sense in relation to B4U-ACT, as this organization does not go out of its way to ape society’s contemptuous hostility towards those of us who wish to see cultural and legal change. As we saw in my most recent post, though, Virtuous Pedophiles does exactly that, notwithstanding the very welcome conciliatory comment in response from VP member Max. In considering what impact VP will have, it may help to separate the group’s public profile from the influence it will have on those minor attracted persons it seeks to help.

In terms of public profile, I would not discount the positive potential. With paedophiles universally demonized in the media are predators and rapists, it can hardly be a bad thing if VP can get across the message that many paedophiles are restrained, responsible people who do not “molest” or “abuse” children, and that it is unjust for them to be stigmatized. When I heard many years ago about a Cambridge University research project on “non-contact” paedophiles, I was very much in favour, and actively assisted the PhD student in question, helping her to build a database of paedophiles who had never been in trouble with the law and who claimed – honestly, I am sure, in many cases known to me – never to have “transgressed”. This postgrad worked on the project for several years and built up what her supervisor told me was an “immense” body of information. Sadly, for reasons which remain mysterious, she never completed her thesis. Instead, she transferred to another university without ever gaining her doctorate. Her data remain unpublished. Information of that sort is sorely needed, and if VP can attract publicity for any future research in this area, that will be helpful.

As for the likely impact of VP on paedophiles who turn to them for help, unfortunately I see a rather bleaker picture. They will not be battle-hardened old warriors like some of us here, especially those whose comments clearly indicate they know their own minds and are not shy in proclaiming their robustly held positions. No, they will mostly be young men, some perhaps not even out of their teens. They will probably have no idea about the considerably less dreadful times we knew back in the 1970s and before; nor will they have much notion that society could be different, as copiously evidenced from historical and anthropological precedents. They will be depressed, desperate, at their wit’s end in search of a livable life; and in this sorry state they will be vulnerable to the snake-oil salesmanship of those who confidently point the way towards “happy, productive lives”.

Note that Nick and Ethan, VP’s founders, both have a good story to tell in this regard. They are well educated, professionally successful people; they have each found a life partner and enjoyed a conventional married life; best of all, they have been blessed with children of their own, and have doubtless loved and raised them as well as most parents, or better. What’s not to like about that? The hopeful message is, it would seem, “If we can do it so can you!”

That will be fine, actually, for those pedophiles whose orientation is not exclusive. There are clearly many who have a significant, or strong, level of attraction to children who are also able to relate well to adult partners. If they can go down that road then they surely should, and good luck to them. But what many fail to understand, including perhaps Nick and Ethan, is that this option is not open to all. I know. As someone with effectively zero attraction to either men or women, fixity of sexual orientation has for me been an unwelcome but relentlessly abiding fact of life, and I know plenty of others to whom this applies. The “currently orthodox dogma of fixed sexual orientation” that Edmund spoke of in his comment is not a doctrine for such as me; we do not insist, dogmatically, that fixity applies to everyone; rather, it is simply a reality of our lives.

Without, I hope, being too dogmatic, I would add that quite a lot of people are gifted with a range of sexual response, and in a few cases this extends widely, towards pansexuality. But this is not at all the same as fluidity, i.e. a changing pattern of gender and age attraction over time; still less is it like a voluntary change of desires, as opposed to tastes developing and shifting without being consciously willed. It is also clear that women’s sexual orientation tends to be quite fluid, but among men the evidence for this is slim to vanishing, notwithstanding cultural variations such as ancient Greek pederasty, and significant variations in individual males’ sexual behaviour over time as demonstrated by, for instance, Kinsey’s great survey work. If a man could really choose to find women attractive, would he choose to be exclusively gay, as many men clearly are? Still less, would he choose to be paedophile, especially exclusively so, given the terrible hostility it entails?

It is important to mention the gay experience at this point. Over the years, especially in the U.S. where anti-gay “therapists” (often religious) have been busiest, there has been a thriving but completely bogus “gay reparative therapy” movement. Numerous gay men have claimed to be “cured” of their homosexuality but these so-called conversions to “ex-gay” status have a track record of turning out to be a phenomenon of hope temporarily triumphing over reality as guys manage to delude themselves for a while that their feelings have changed. When finally the truth that nothing has really changed becomes unavoidable, bitter disillusion sets in. My fear is that for many young paedophiles, if they are led up the garden path in this way, by VP or anyone else, their disillusion could break them entirely. It is not that VP necessarily believe they can change a paedophile’s fundamental orientation. It would be unfair to suggest they are saying that. But there are signs they may have unrealistic expectations for getting paedophiles coupled off with adult partners. How else might they propose to enable guys exclusively attracted to kids to live “happy, productive lives”? By becoming monks, perhaps? Might work for a few I guess, but not for most.

Just put yourself in the shoes, for a moment, of an exclusive paedophile who goes along to VP hoping for help and support. He is encouraged to try making it in a relationship with a woman (or a man). He will hear happy stories from those, like Nick and Ethan, who have done so. For one thing, what is he supposed to tell this prospective partner? Should he lie to them about his orientation? Nick and Ethan have both admitted (on Sexnet) to having deceived their own partners in this way and justify it by the outcome: everything turned out just fine. For them, the end justified the means. One might question how “virtuous” such an ethical decision is, given that the result could easily have been different. I am pretty certain that if I had gone through with that policy (I was engaged to be married, as a young man) it would all have ended in tears: my own and my wife’s: she would have been devastated when the truth eventually came out, as it certainly would have done.

And what of those exclusive paedophiles who are left with a truly realistic assessment that an adult partnership is simply not going to work? What can VP offer a young man of this type except a bleakly celibate life with not even the prospect of befriending children, or working with them, still less of having any of his own? Many would consider it irresponsible, unethical and not at all “virtuous” to recommend for the exclusive paedophile any sort of contact with children; and if I shared society’s view that any sort of falling into temptation was necessarily harmful, I would have to agree: the danger would be too great. For these exclusive paedophiles, all that VP can offer, it seems to me, is a permanent requirement of saintly restraint such as is imposed on no one else in society. They are likely to be left feeling even more devastated and lonely in the company of successfully paired off paedophiles than if they had never contacted VP in the first place.

The good news is that I see no present reason to believe the baleful influence of Virtuous Pedophiles will be particularly great. Despite getting excellent publicity in significant places such as Salon and the LA Times, a trend which I expect to continue, membership has not exactly taken off like a rocket. VP recently reported having 72 member accounts, about six months after its foundation. I would expect some of those (many? most?) to be people joining with a view to offering help, rather than receiving it. However, it may be that the members are all helpers, and that thousands of paedophiles have been asking for help. So my estimate of VP’s progress could be completely wrong. If so, no doubt Heretic TOC will be told. At all events, Ethan Edwards has offered to comment here, and I look forward to hearing from him. I hope to comment further in any ensuing debate, but I have an especially busy time coming up, so I might have to leave others to take up the baton.





%d bloggers like this: